Happiness?

I never thought of it to be like that. Looking back onto these days I'd not have imagined it as the situation I am in now.

Tonight I watched a talk show. It was about happiness; it's meanings and it's nuances. I am not really a talk show kind of person. I don't like watching them. I think the speakers interrupt each other too often and many of them rather care about the shape of what they're saying than about the content of their statements in a way of wanting to show off. Or maybe they're just forgetting their real motivation and opinion sometimes... but that not as a content of the talk show itself but as a trait or a content of their personality and agenda anyways.

This talk show was quite good actually. At least in my eyes. The topic and the stories behind it were of my interest especially because they came over real(isticly). Well the very often upcoming question logically was: 'What is happiness?' And of course this was discussed vividly in different light of many different stories and experiences. Watching the show made me ask myself: what is my own imagination and interpretation of happiness?


Well this term certainly is difficult to conceive. It's definition can only be pretty vague and subjective. I mean there is no objective concept of luck or happiness. Everyone finds luck or happiness in something else. But still - and this I knew before watching the show - we can determine notions that can bring us closer to the term happiness itself, like: pay attention to the small things in your life more, don't take everything for granted, care for others, others care for you, be heedful. (I consider most of them hipster sentences flouncing Facebook pictures of little fourteen- year- olds, :D) but as we all know following these rules makes real happiness really come true most times.

I don't want to dig deeper at this point right now (because I don't want to drift into a philosophical discussion) so I am going to cut this short. I don't have a definition of happiness and I try not to have an imagination of it. The first- mentioned I don't have because there just isn't a definition in my eyes that would cover all the necessary terms, facts, meanings around and of this word. Luck is so widely spread I am not able to say anything concrete about it. The imagination I don't want to have because it is proving me wrong again and again. Whatever I thought would make me happy was always something that didn't. When I wanted something it was mostly rather bad than good for me or it was the worse of for example two decisions. Or it was the case that when I got it I wasn't happy with it. So basically what I am saying or rather what I recognized is that that what I want and what I think would make me happy is not what I actually need to be happy. For me happiness is not money, not love, not attention. For me it is to be pleased with what you got. To make the best out of it. To never give up no matter how weak you are, try to stay strong for your own self. I remind myself that I have to do it for my very own sake. I don't act because others want me to act, but because I want to act this or that way.

I needed very! very! long to understand that I am responsible for my own actions. And it took me even longer to realize the freedom embedded in this insight. Concluding I can maybe even say that it is my freedom that makes me happy. At least partially - the biggest part perhaps. Being free to do whatever you want is a very big gift. I have all these chances all these opportunities and even if I blew very many of them I still have the freedom to choose other possibility. My freedom allows me not to be afraid to fall and more important it allows me to fall and then get up again. No matter what happened to me, no matter if it was my fault or not, I am still given chances. All the time. Everyday! For me this is luck. Being able to have these chances. Being able to chose.

Luck to me is also learning from mistakes, growing, winning battles, facing inner demons and leave them behind. Leaving behind anyways has a big part in happiness. As you see I could mention a dozen other hipster- lines representative for getting happy but as I said the term is widely spread. There are so many colors to it that I was only able to list a few before going to bed :D which at least are of very special meaning to me.

I wish a good night to whomever is reading this right now!